Yes it is true that God offers three answers to our prayers: Yes, No, and Wait. In my last posting I spent some time discussing the fact that God gets to choose which answer He gives to any particular prayer. This time, I want to look at these three answers. We’ll start with the one that may be the most difficult to accept, then move to the one that is most difficult to live with and finally with the one we all hope for when we pray.
If God is truly our heavenly Father and has our best interests at heart, He must, from time to time, tell us “No.” It is a poor father who never says no to the child he loves. No keeps the child from harm and from the wrong path. God’s no’s to us do the same. In addition, He knows the future and how we are designed to fit into it. Many times His no’s not only keep us from going the wrong way, but also keep us on the best way. For us, just like for a child, no is hard to accept. It goes against what we want now, and it may go against what we have carefully thought out. God’s no may go against our best judgment; in fact, we may not even be able to see how no can be the right answer. That is when we must bend our will to accept God’s wisdom.
The good thing about no is that it can be freeing. It can establish boundaries and help us focus on who God wants us to be and what He wants us to do. My wife was diagnosed with severe rheumatoid arthritis on her 18th birthday. The doctor told an athletic, beauty queen, pianist, valedictorian that she had a disease that would cripple her. It just didn’t seem right. In all her young life anything she tried, she had mastered. She thought, as did I when we met and married, that this disease would not stand. We were sure that God would give her a healing. We prayed for it. All our friends prayed for it. In addition, Tina tried all the drugs, vitamins, diets, and quackery she could find thinking that one of them might be the way God would use to remove the pain to heal her.
Instead, twelve years later she was confined to a wheel chair and dying from a side effect of the arthritis. The doctors were telling her that, at best, she would never walk again. The pain was so great that it would wake her up in the middle of the night. One night, as I sat up with her, she told me that she felt that the Lord had told her no concerning her healing. I argued with her that the answer was wait, but she said she was okay with no. She went on to explain that with wait, she had been putting a lot of things on hold “until I feel better”. Now that she had the assurance that her answer was no, she could begin living life and dealing with the abilities she had, rather than sitting and waiting until she felt like her old self. So, she started getting the most out of each day and did as much as her little body would let her. She learned new skills, found new interests, and discovered a new purpose for her life, and a different Tina.
Rheumatoid Arthritis changed her life. A “Yes” from God would have meant a healing that would have enabled her to continue with her old vision and purpose of her life. Accepting the no allowed her to find out what else God had for her to do. As a result, even though, R.A. changed her life, it didn’t ruin it. Her health is now better, but she still struggles every day with the disease. In the last 23 years she has had 43 surgeries. More important than that, she has learned to walk again, graduated from college, become a children’s pastor and ordained as minister. Tina began writing and by now has written children’s Sunday school curriculum for more than 20 years. She is the author of 6 children’s ministry books. She is now the editor of the children’s ministry magazine, “K!”, and writes an online children’s church curriculum, “Kitchen”, for Kidzmatter, and a sought-after children’s ministry workshop leader.
God sometimes answers no, but if He does, He has something else in mind for us. We may not see it right away. In fact, we may not see it until all things are clear to us in eternity. Obviously, no is not our first choice, but it is God who does the choosing. If He is truly our Lord and we are truly His followers, then let us put our trust in Him.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Why Aren't My Prayers Answered?
In the next couple of blogs I plan to deal with prayer. This first one takes a look at what is probably the most asked question about it:
Have you ever heard someone say, "Why aren't my prayers answered?" Maybe you have heard those words come out of your own mouth, or at least formed them in your mind. Actually, this is a question that bugs most Christ-followers at some time or other. I have learned that God always answers my prayers. Sometimes I don't get the answer I want, but he always answers me. It is when his answer to my prayer is not what I was expecting or hoping for that I am tempted to say he didn't answer it.
It is often said that God answers prayer in three ways: Yes, No, and Wait. But some folks will accept only yeses. They remind us that Bible tells us to ask for anything and it will be done, or all we have to do is ask, seek and knock. I ferverently believe what the Bible says about that. However, if you check those passages out, you will find that somewhere in the context the Bible talks about being in God's will, or asking in his name, or the context assumes the asker is submitted to God's will. The supreme example of this is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane on the evening before he was crucified. He asked the Father to find a way, which didn't require the cross, to redeem the world. Then he ended saying, "Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39 (NIV)
Some people are sure that if they don't get what they want, God hasn't understood their rationale for the answer they want. So they keep repeating it, and "claiming" it. Jesus encouraged us to be persistent in prayer, so, of course, we should. The problem comes when persistence becomes insistence. Subtley the request becomes an order, and the petitioner becomes a demanding boss. This doesn't work because God is the King, and none of us is. We are to submit to him, not he to us. God gave us the right to ask for what we need, and even for what we want, but he does not give us the right to tell him what to do.
Got comments for me? I would love to hear them. I know not everyone agrees with me. So let me hear from me.
Next Time: "God's Answers to Our Prayers"
Have you ever heard someone say, "Why aren't my prayers answered?" Maybe you have heard those words come out of your own mouth, or at least formed them in your mind. Actually, this is a question that bugs most Christ-followers at some time or other. I have learned that God always answers my prayers. Sometimes I don't get the answer I want, but he always answers me. It is when his answer to my prayer is not what I was expecting or hoping for that I am tempted to say he didn't answer it.
It is often said that God answers prayer in three ways: Yes, No, and Wait. But some folks will accept only yeses. They remind us that Bible tells us to ask for anything and it will be done, or all we have to do is ask, seek and knock. I ferverently believe what the Bible says about that. However, if you check those passages out, you will find that somewhere in the context the Bible talks about being in God's will, or asking in his name, or the context assumes the asker is submitted to God's will. The supreme example of this is Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane on the evening before he was crucified. He asked the Father to find a way, which didn't require the cross, to redeem the world. Then he ended saying, "Yet not as I will, but as you will." Matthew 26:39 (NIV)
Some people are sure that if they don't get what they want, God hasn't understood their rationale for the answer they want. So they keep repeating it, and "claiming" it. Jesus encouraged us to be persistent in prayer, so, of course, we should. The problem comes when persistence becomes insistence. Subtley the request becomes an order, and the petitioner becomes a demanding boss. This doesn't work because God is the King, and none of us is. We are to submit to him, not he to us. God gave us the right to ask for what we need, and even for what we want, but he does not give us the right to tell him what to do.
Got comments for me? I would love to hear them. I know not everyone agrees with me. So let me hear from me.
Next Time: "God's Answers to Our Prayers"
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Dead Man Walking - The Apostle Paul
The Apostle Paul faced the cruelest persecutions imaginable and about every kind of difficulty you can think of. Yet, time after time in his writings he shares his joy and encourages his fellow Christ-followers to rejoice. This week I am posting a message that I preached last year at First Church of God in Kokomo, Indiana about this amazing hero, Paul - Dead Man Walking. Please give a listen. I hope it will both inspire and challenge you to live your life with Paul's kind of tenacity and joy.
Click: http://tinahouser.net/RaysMessages/index.html to hear "Dead Man Walking - The Apostle Paul"
Click: http://tinahouser.net/RaysMessages/index.html to hear "Dead Man Walking - The Apostle Paul"
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
What Kind of Church is Yours?
Some of you who know me well may have heard me talk about this subject at some time or other, but I have never written these thoughts down, so here goes!
What kind of church do you attend? What kind of church do you wish your church was? What kind of church does God want His church to be? I am not talking about denomination or size. I'm talking about the emphasis and atmosphere of the church.
Some churches are museums. As near as I can tell, the main reason they exist must be to preserve the past. The building probably hasn't changed in years and even if it has been updated, the programs are straight from fifty years ago. Many times they can't change the building because every room, and, perhaps, even all its furniture is dedicated to the memory or the honor of someone who is now long gone. That is, they are gone until someone tries to move or change something, then it seems like they have come back with a vengeance in the uproar caused by their descendants. These churches can't change the programs because, well, we have always had that program. It doesn't matter that the program is no longer relevant and the few who participate do so only out of loyalty. Museums may be nice places to visit now and then to see what used to be, but they are not places that people go to get things done, or to make a difference in the world.
Some churches are stadiums. The crowd watches while a few professionals perform. If the professionals are particularly talented and their performance pleases the crowd, then the crowd raves about it and the number of attenders swells. The crowd's purpose is to pay their money and soak up the excitement. At this kind of church the Gospel is presented and some people find a relationship with Jesus, but there is not much of a place for them to grow and serve. If the professionals hit a losing streak, and the performance is not up to expectations the seats are soon empty. Stadiums are cold, drafty and lonely once the crowd thins out.
It seems to me that many churches these days are exclusive clubs. They would not admit it, but just let the wrong person try to become part of the fellowship. Then their club characteristics come out. Some churches are exclusive to people of a particular race or ethnic group, some to an educational level or social strata, and some to a style of dress or some other standard. I have observed that many congregations these days seem to be determined to be a club for senior citizens. While they lament the lack of younger people, and say they long for the energy that youth would bring, the manner the church worships, dresses, the music it uses, and the programs it employs, are all designed for people of "a certain age." They are suspicious of technology, mostly because it is different. Younger folks are welcome if they like old music, and old ways. What is wrong with at church wanting to appeal to its old members, or have a certain standard for its membership. Nothing, I suppose, if only it would advertise itself as a Christian club instead of a church. Then they could hang out a sign that honestly describes who may apply for membership. A true church is a place where whosoever will may come. "Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life." Revelation 22:17 (NIV)
Thankfully, some churches choose to be what I like to call Spiritual Medical Centers. These are places where people find healing for their souls and then learn to share that healing with others. Medical center churches know why they exist: to make disciples. They use the most up to date methods, and equipment they can find to help them do this. The emphasis is on the person who is hurting and needs attention. Everything that happens at a physical medical center has to do with healing the sick and injured. Everyone from the surgeon, to the administrator, to the nurse, to the custodian, has a job to do that helps the physical medical center fulfill its purpose. At a medical center church everything is about not only getting people to accept the cure for their sin, but also about learning to live healthy lives in Christ. Then they learn to share the cure, and the health they are finding with whoever they can. There are a lot of things to be done, but all of them point to sharing love, hope and salvation with others. All the people who regularly attend the medical center church see themselves as part of this great work. The medical center church doesn't exist for those who are already part of it, but for those who need it. It is not picky about who comes in the door, or where they have been. It just wants to bring them into an encounter with the Lord. Members of a medical center church realize that fulfilling the mission is much more important than their preferences. These are the churches that build God's Kingdom and have a great affect on the community.
I am always looking for other kinds of churches. What kinds can you think of? I have long used the metaphor of the medical center for a healthy church. Can you think of other good metaphors that help explain what a healthy church should look like? Please share your thoughts with me.
What kind of church do you attend? What kind of church do you wish your church was? What kind of church does God want His church to be? I am not talking about denomination or size. I'm talking about the emphasis and atmosphere of the church.
Some churches are museums. As near as I can tell, the main reason they exist must be to preserve the past. The building probably hasn't changed in years and even if it has been updated, the programs are straight from fifty years ago. Many times they can't change the building because every room, and, perhaps, even all its furniture is dedicated to the memory or the honor of someone who is now long gone. That is, they are gone until someone tries to move or change something, then it seems like they have come back with a vengeance in the uproar caused by their descendants. These churches can't change the programs because, well, we have always had that program. It doesn't matter that the program is no longer relevant and the few who participate do so only out of loyalty. Museums may be nice places to visit now and then to see what used to be, but they are not places that people go to get things done, or to make a difference in the world.
Some churches are stadiums. The crowd watches while a few professionals perform. If the professionals are particularly talented and their performance pleases the crowd, then the crowd raves about it and the number of attenders swells. The crowd's purpose is to pay their money and soak up the excitement. At this kind of church the Gospel is presented and some people find a relationship with Jesus, but there is not much of a place for them to grow and serve. If the professionals hit a losing streak, and the performance is not up to expectations the seats are soon empty. Stadiums are cold, drafty and lonely once the crowd thins out.
It seems to me that many churches these days are exclusive clubs. They would not admit it, but just let the wrong person try to become part of the fellowship. Then their club characteristics come out. Some churches are exclusive to people of a particular race or ethnic group, some to an educational level or social strata, and some to a style of dress or some other standard. I have observed that many congregations these days seem to be determined to be a club for senior citizens. While they lament the lack of younger people, and say they long for the energy that youth would bring, the manner the church worships, dresses, the music it uses, and the programs it employs, are all designed for people of "a certain age." They are suspicious of technology, mostly because it is different. Younger folks are welcome if they like old music, and old ways. What is wrong with at church wanting to appeal to its old members, or have a certain standard for its membership. Nothing, I suppose, if only it would advertise itself as a Christian club instead of a church. Then they could hang out a sign that honestly describes who may apply for membership. A true church is a place where whosoever will may come. "Whoever is thirsty, let him come; and whoever wishes, let him take the free gift of the water of life." Revelation 22:17 (NIV)
Thankfully, some churches choose to be what I like to call Spiritual Medical Centers. These are places where people find healing for their souls and then learn to share that healing with others. Medical center churches know why they exist: to make disciples. They use the most up to date methods, and equipment they can find to help them do this. The emphasis is on the person who is hurting and needs attention. Everything that happens at a physical medical center has to do with healing the sick and injured. Everyone from the surgeon, to the administrator, to the nurse, to the custodian, has a job to do that helps the physical medical center fulfill its purpose. At a medical center church everything is about not only getting people to accept the cure for their sin, but also about learning to live healthy lives in Christ. Then they learn to share the cure, and the health they are finding with whoever they can. There are a lot of things to be done, but all of them point to sharing love, hope and salvation with others. All the people who regularly attend the medical center church see themselves as part of this great work. The medical center church doesn't exist for those who are already part of it, but for those who need it. It is not picky about who comes in the door, or where they have been. It just wants to bring them into an encounter with the Lord. Members of a medical center church realize that fulfilling the mission is much more important than their preferences. These are the churches that build God's Kingdom and have a great affect on the community.
I am always looking for other kinds of churches. What kinds can you think of? I have long used the metaphor of the medical center for a healthy church. Can you think of other good metaphors that help explain what a healthy church should look like? Please share your thoughts with me.
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Winsome Church 4
I want to finish up what I have to say about how a church can become winsome. By winsome, I mean inviting; a place where guests feel accepted, comfortable, and loved. Today I am combining my 4th and 5th thoughts on this subject because I think they are closely related.
4. Do everything you can to make guests feel welcome, but don't single them out. I have found that many people are embarrassed to stand in the service. They feel like they are on display. Almost as bad, is to make the guest wear a special "Visitor" tag. A name tag Sunday where everyone wears similar name tags can be helpful, but "Visitor" tags are not a good idea. Churches make visitors stand and label them in an effort to make sure they can know who to welcome. Actually, I think the reason is often so that regulars will not be embarrassed by mistaking a fellow regular attender for a visitor. Personally, I don't see the problem with that. If the regular attenders don't know each other, they need to meet anyway. Why can't they just laugh it off and become friends? However, if you feel that you must identify guests, give them a welcome packet or gift that is too big for a pocket or a purse. Then teach regular attenders to look for people carrying the welcome packet/gift. I attended worship at a church recently where the only people who knew me were the pastor and one of his associates. Even though I was not recognized or tagged as a visitor in any way, 5 or 6 people not only shook my hand, but spoke to me for several moments. This is a church that expects visitors and wants them there. I felt welcomed, but not overwhelmed. That is what we should all shoot for.
5. Here are some other things that must occur if you are actually expecting new people to come to your church.
a.) Whether you call it the foyer, the narthex, or the lobby, the entrance area needs to be uncluttered and welcoming. If you are building or remodeling your church, make sure the entry is larger than you think you will need and that it is well thought out.
b.) The nursery, children's area, and the rest rooms must be clean, and appropriately decorated. The stuff you don't want in your home anymore, is not good enough for God's house. If you would be uncomfortable to have a piece of furniture in your house, don't put it in the church.
c.) Don't be afraid to get creative when decorating the youth, children, and nursery areas. Make them age appropriate and fun. This does not take a lot of money, just some imagination and effort. Remember, if the kids want to come back the parents are more likely bring them again.
d.) Nursery and children's workers must be present early, and come equipped with a smile for every family, including the new ones. Procedures for the nursery should be explained by a worker and printed for the guest to have. Children's church workers should make sure the parents know where their children will be, and where and when they should be picked up. If parents or children are reluctant to take advantage of the nursery or children's church, help them to feel fine about worshipping together.
e.) Go the extra mile to make sure the restrooms, particularly the ladies rooms, are clean and attractive.
Many people decide whether or not they are coming back before the worship service even begins. If the entry is a mess, if the restrooms are uncomfortable, or if the children's areas are not desirable, many guests will right the church off before they even know it. First impressions count for churches, just like they do for individuals.
You and I should be making friends with people who don't know the Lord, and when we do, I hope we will want to invite them to worship with us. As they come, the church should help us present a witness of Christ in every way. Again, be winsome to win some.
What did I leave out? What else can the church do on Sunday morning to support our witness to our friends and neighbors?
4. Do everything you can to make guests feel welcome, but don't single them out. I have found that many people are embarrassed to stand in the service. They feel like they are on display. Almost as bad, is to make the guest wear a special "Visitor" tag. A name tag Sunday where everyone wears similar name tags can be helpful, but "Visitor" tags are not a good idea. Churches make visitors stand and label them in an effort to make sure they can know who to welcome. Actually, I think the reason is often so that regulars will not be embarrassed by mistaking a fellow regular attender for a visitor. Personally, I don't see the problem with that. If the regular attenders don't know each other, they need to meet anyway. Why can't they just laugh it off and become friends? However, if you feel that you must identify guests, give them a welcome packet or gift that is too big for a pocket or a purse. Then teach regular attenders to look for people carrying the welcome packet/gift. I attended worship at a church recently where the only people who knew me were the pastor and one of his associates. Even though I was not recognized or tagged as a visitor in any way, 5 or 6 people not only shook my hand, but spoke to me for several moments. This is a church that expects visitors and wants them there. I felt welcomed, but not overwhelmed. That is what we should all shoot for.
5. Here are some other things that must occur if you are actually expecting new people to come to your church.
a.) Whether you call it the foyer, the narthex, or the lobby, the entrance area needs to be uncluttered and welcoming. If you are building or remodeling your church, make sure the entry is larger than you think you will need and that it is well thought out.
b.) The nursery, children's area, and the rest rooms must be clean, and appropriately decorated. The stuff you don't want in your home anymore, is not good enough for God's house. If you would be uncomfortable to have a piece of furniture in your house, don't put it in the church.
c.) Don't be afraid to get creative when decorating the youth, children, and nursery areas. Make them age appropriate and fun. This does not take a lot of money, just some imagination and effort. Remember, if the kids want to come back the parents are more likely bring them again.
d.) Nursery and children's workers must be present early, and come equipped with a smile for every family, including the new ones. Procedures for the nursery should be explained by a worker and printed for the guest to have. Children's church workers should make sure the parents know where their children will be, and where and when they should be picked up. If parents or children are reluctant to take advantage of the nursery or children's church, help them to feel fine about worshipping together.
e.) Go the extra mile to make sure the restrooms, particularly the ladies rooms, are clean and attractive.
Many people decide whether or not they are coming back before the worship service even begins. If the entry is a mess, if the restrooms are uncomfortable, or if the children's areas are not desirable, many guests will right the church off before they even know it. First impressions count for churches, just like they do for individuals.
You and I should be making friends with people who don't know the Lord, and when we do, I hope we will want to invite them to worship with us. As they come, the church should help us present a witness of Christ in every way. Again, be winsome to win some.
What did I leave out? What else can the church do on Sunday morning to support our witness to our friends and neighbors?
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Winsome Church 3
Let me continue again this time exploring what it takes for a church to become a winsome church, so that, it, by all means might win some. Members of the church should be able to feel condident that when their unchurched friends visits their church, they will find a welcome that is practically irresistable. This is my third rant on this subject.
3. Pastor you must lead the way in this. Anytime the church gathers, the pastor should do his/her best to let guests know he is glad to have the guests there. This is particulary true on Sunday morning. I suggest the pastor spend the last 15-20 minutes before the service in the worship room greeting the people, with an eye out for guests. Some pastors will say that they are in prayer for the service at that time. A few will admit they are cramming for their sermon like a college student getting ready for a final. But that few minutes before worship are critical for meeting and greeting guests. The emphasis of your personal greeting time should be the guests, especially ones who appear to be unattached to any of the members. You would do no less than this at home. It's the same as when company comes to your house. You concentrate on them, and expect the family to do the same. To do otherwise, would be rude. The old custom of the pastor appearing as worship begins is not very helpful. Do your praying, that's obviously important, but finish in time to greet your guests. Meeting the pastor puts people at ease,and begins a relationship. If they have seen the pastor up close, there is a better chance that they will be able to identify with him, and what he says in his message. Give them your name and invite them to tell you theirs. They may not want to tell you theirs. Don't assume a couple is married, and don't seek to define the relationship. Let them tell you what they want to tell you. Some folks will want to talk a lot. Others will want to be more or less invisible. They will appreciate your greeting, but they may not yet feel at ease enough to talk with you. Grow antennae and adjust to the guest
At some point, before or during the service, guests should be asked to fill out the welcome card, or a registration (Know Your Neighbor) form, so that the pastor can send a letter on Monday telling them how glad he is that they visited. Be sure to ask them to put the card in the offering or hand it you a staff member, an usher, or a greeter. I suggest that you assure guests that they will not find you camped out on their doorstep. Rather tell them you would like to be able to send them a note thanking them for coming and some information about what is happening at the church. A hand written note from a lay person is a great plus, too. Years ago, we used to try to visit everyone who visited the church. I found that worked pretty well, until about 1985. After that, it became harder to get people to open the door, and many felt uneasy about the pastor being there. I would have thought it was just a reaction to me, but many other pastors have reported the same thing. People in general, seldom drop by other folks homes anymore. This has been a change in our culture. Make sure there is a place on the registration card where they can indicate that they would like a call from the pastor. When someone checks this box, the pastor should respond with a phone call on Monday. If they want a visit, let them invite you to their home.
The point is that the pastor should be very involved in putting guests at ease. His example can serve as a model for all the greeters and, hopefully, all the members.
Does anybody know some other ways the pastor can put guests at ease?
3. Pastor you must lead the way in this. Anytime the church gathers, the pastor should do his/her best to let guests know he is glad to have the guests there. This is particulary true on Sunday morning. I suggest the pastor spend the last 15-20 minutes before the service in the worship room greeting the people, with an eye out for guests. Some pastors will say that they are in prayer for the service at that time. A few will admit they are cramming for their sermon like a college student getting ready for a final. But that few minutes before worship are critical for meeting and greeting guests. The emphasis of your personal greeting time should be the guests, especially ones who appear to be unattached to any of the members. You would do no less than this at home. It's the same as when company comes to your house. You concentrate on them, and expect the family to do the same. To do otherwise, would be rude. The old custom of the pastor appearing as worship begins is not very helpful. Do your praying, that's obviously important, but finish in time to greet your guests. Meeting the pastor puts people at ease,and begins a relationship. If they have seen the pastor up close, there is a better chance that they will be able to identify with him, and what he says in his message. Give them your name and invite them to tell you theirs. They may not want to tell you theirs. Don't assume a couple is married, and don't seek to define the relationship. Let them tell you what they want to tell you. Some folks will want to talk a lot. Others will want to be more or less invisible. They will appreciate your greeting, but they may not yet feel at ease enough to talk with you. Grow antennae and adjust to the guest
At some point, before or during the service, guests should be asked to fill out the welcome card, or a registration (Know Your Neighbor) form, so that the pastor can send a letter on Monday telling them how glad he is that they visited. Be sure to ask them to put the card in the offering or hand it you a staff member, an usher, or a greeter. I suggest that you assure guests that they will not find you camped out on their doorstep. Rather tell them you would like to be able to send them a note thanking them for coming and some information about what is happening at the church. A hand written note from a lay person is a great plus, too. Years ago, we used to try to visit everyone who visited the church. I found that worked pretty well, until about 1985. After that, it became harder to get people to open the door, and many felt uneasy about the pastor being there. I would have thought it was just a reaction to me, but many other pastors have reported the same thing. People in general, seldom drop by other folks homes anymore. This has been a change in our culture. Make sure there is a place on the registration card where they can indicate that they would like a call from the pastor. When someone checks this box, the pastor should respond with a phone call on Monday. If they want a visit, let them invite you to their home.
The point is that the pastor should be very involved in putting guests at ease. His example can serve as a model for all the greeters and, hopefully, all the members.
Does anybody know some other ways the pastor can put guests at ease?
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
The Winsome Church 2
Last week I shared the first blog about how a church can become a winsome church. In other words, a place where visitors feel welcome and members can feel exited about inviting their friends. Let me start this one with a true story about how not to do it.
A few years ago I was invited to speak at my mother's church for Mother's Day. It was an honor because I had attended there from ages 6 to 12. The service was just as I remembered it from 40 years before: same songs, same organ, even the same organist. It was also the same people, not nearly as many as before. I was one of the younger ones attending that day. Everyone was very nice to me, but after the service, I had an opportunity to stand off to the side as coffee was served. The people were encouraged to chat for a few minutes. I noticed couple was standing there with two children, and I could tell, by their shyness that they were new, and by their dress they were from the neighborhood which had run down over the years. Literally, no one spoke to this couple. As they left, I heard the 80 something year-old church secretary say to one of the other old timers, "What were they here for?" Obviously, she was unimpressed with their jeans, and their tatoos. The end of this story is that about 18 months later the Bishop closed the church. It had literally died, as had so many of the old timers.
This could never happen at your church. Are you sure? What are you doing to prevent it from happening? Here are a few ideas:
Before and after church, it is important for old friends to put off their conversations until the guests have been thoroughly welcomed. In fact, the church should be intentional and strategic about welcoming visitors. From the moment he comes on the church property the new person should begin to realize that you planned for his arrival, and you want him to be with you. It starts outside the front door, with a greeter offering a warm hello, and help with the door. Actually, it should start in the parking lot, especially if it is large one, or if it is not near the main entrance.
Once inside the building, greeters should be outgoing people. This is not the job for someone who is afraid of people, or for the one with offensive personal habits. The greeter, or the welcoming team, should be able to direct guests to the nursery, the children's area, and the youth area, as well as the worship room. Most of all, they should know where the restrooms are. Greeters should find out who invited the guest and try to help the new person connect with their inviter. If that is not possible. introduce them to someone else in the church. Be sensitive, some folks want to slip in with little notice. Don't force anyone to do anything. The point is for the guest to feel accepted, comfortable and loved. If the church has a welcome center, it should be manned early, and attractive welcome packets should be available.
As a backup to personal contact, the church should have good signage. I am amazed that many churches don't have signs at all. The sign should be sure to tell the worship times. Guest parking signs should be posted at the best parking places. (Staff, board members, and other members who want the church to be welcoming to guests should park at the back of the lot to leave room for guests.) The main entrance must be easily identifiable. Inside the building, there should be signs directing guests to the welcome center, the restrooms, the nursery and the worship room. Don't take for granted that new people will be able to find anything. If your church was built in the before very recently it may be difficult for people to even find the right door to enter. How embarassing it is for a guest family to find itself wandering all alone in strange building, and their six year-old needs to find the rest room, now! Remember, signs are to back up personal contact, not take the place of it.
The whole idea is for first experience of someone you may, or may not have invited, to be as comfortable as you can possibly make it.
A few years ago I was invited to speak at my mother's church for Mother's Day. It was an honor because I had attended there from ages 6 to 12. The service was just as I remembered it from 40 years before: same songs, same organ, even the same organist. It was also the same people, not nearly as many as before. I was one of the younger ones attending that day. Everyone was very nice to me, but after the service, I had an opportunity to stand off to the side as coffee was served. The people were encouraged to chat for a few minutes. I noticed couple was standing there with two children, and I could tell, by their shyness that they were new, and by their dress they were from the neighborhood which had run down over the years. Literally, no one spoke to this couple. As they left, I heard the 80 something year-old church secretary say to one of the other old timers, "What were they here for?" Obviously, she was unimpressed with their jeans, and their tatoos. The end of this story is that about 18 months later the Bishop closed the church. It had literally died, as had so many of the old timers.
This could never happen at your church. Are you sure? What are you doing to prevent it from happening? Here are a few ideas:
Before and after church, it is important for old friends to put off their conversations until the guests have been thoroughly welcomed. In fact, the church should be intentional and strategic about welcoming visitors. From the moment he comes on the church property the new person should begin to realize that you planned for his arrival, and you want him to be with you. It starts outside the front door, with a greeter offering a warm hello, and help with the door. Actually, it should start in the parking lot, especially if it is large one, or if it is not near the main entrance.
Once inside the building, greeters should be outgoing people. This is not the job for someone who is afraid of people, or for the one with offensive personal habits. The greeter, or the welcoming team, should be able to direct guests to the nursery, the children's area, and the youth area, as well as the worship room. Most of all, they should know where the restrooms are. Greeters should find out who invited the guest and try to help the new person connect with their inviter. If that is not possible. introduce them to someone else in the church. Be sensitive, some folks want to slip in with little notice. Don't force anyone to do anything. The point is for the guest to feel accepted, comfortable and loved. If the church has a welcome center, it should be manned early, and attractive welcome packets should be available.
As a backup to personal contact, the church should have good signage. I am amazed that many churches don't have signs at all. The sign should be sure to tell the worship times. Guest parking signs should be posted at the best parking places. (Staff, board members, and other members who want the church to be welcoming to guests should park at the back of the lot to leave room for guests.) The main entrance must be easily identifiable. Inside the building, there should be signs directing guests to the welcome center, the restrooms, the nursery and the worship room. Don't take for granted that new people will be able to find anything. If your church was built in the before very recently it may be difficult for people to even find the right door to enter. How embarassing it is for a guest family to find itself wandering all alone in strange building, and their six year-old needs to find the rest room, now! Remember, signs are to back up personal contact, not take the place of it.
The whole idea is for first experience of someone you may, or may not have invited, to be as comfortable as you can possibly make it.
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