We were a daddy and his little boy jostling down the interstate in a 24-foot U-haul truck. It was our third day in the truck which held all the family’s belongings and also pulled our car. The tired tow-headed five year-old, Jarad, tried to sleep, but the ride was just too rough. It was another story for his cocker spaniel. The dog was fast asleep on the hard floor as the boy struggled in the seat. After watching the dog sleep blissfully for a couple of hours Jarad made the dog trade places with him. Soon the dog was fast asleep on the more comfortable truck seat and Jarad was still wide awake on the floor.
I chuckled softly at Jarad’s predicament. It was a laugh at his expense, but I needed to laugh at something. There was not much that was funny about moving the week before Christmas. I was sad that my little five year-old was missing out on the usual Christmas traditions because we were on the road. Sadder still, was the reason we were moving. My sweet wife, Tina, who had long suffered from rheumatoid arthritis, had been fighting an infection for months and no matter what the doctors had tried, it would not go away. It just got worse. She hadn’t been able to walk for a long time; in fact, it was a terrible struggle for her to even get out of bed. Nothing the doctors had done had helped. She appeared to be dying at the age of thirty. I was taking Tina home so she could be near her parents in her last days.
Everything had happened so fast. Tina’s illness had forced her to stop working and I was embarrassed that I didn’t make enough money pastoring a small church to support my family without her income. The church said they couldn’t pay more and they refused to let me work outside the church. I felt I had no choice but to pursue another kind of work. As I started looking for a job, Tina grew worse. Her mom came out to California to help again. My angel of a mother-in-law had spent sixteen weeks at our house in the last year. She was a huge help, but it wasn’t fair for her to be 2300 miles away from her husband the rest of the family in Indiana.
Since we were selling our house, to reduce our debt load, it occurred to me as I watched Tina struggle, that there was nothing holding us in California anymore: I had resigned from the church, and soon we would be out of our house. Since I had to look for a job and a house, there was no reason it had to be out there. Tina needed to be with her family back in Indiana. She needed their emotional support and so did I. I also needed physical help taking care of her, and Jarad.
My parents, who lived in Kansas, traveled to California to help us pack and load the truck. Because she could not have tolerated the four day trip by car or in the moving truck, Tina flew out on the foggiest, dreariest night of the year. The next day, Jarad and I climbed into the truck and headed out with my parents following in their car.
Our plan was to spend the third night of the trip at my folk’s house. The next day they would follow me on to Indiana for as big of a Christmas celebration as we could muster at my in-law’s farm. Everyone was trying to be hopeful, joyous and helpful, but everyone also knew the sad reason for the move.
As we drove a popular song titled “Stand By Me” was broadcast on the radio time and again. The lyrics were of a man promising his loved one that, no matter what happened in life, they would be safe as long as they faced their hardships together. As I drove I would look at Jarad and we would sing it together. I was desperately hoping he might realize, whatever was ahead for us, he could count on me to be with him and uphold him.
It turned out to be a pretty rough trip. When we were going through Albuquerque, New Mexico snow started falling. It was just a few flakes at first, but within a few miles the snow became heavy, after a few more miles, it turned into a blizzard. We passed no towns for a long way, so there was no place to stop or turn around. I had never driven a big truck pulling a car in weather like this. Getting behind a big rig, I copied whatever the driver in front of me did: slowing down as we crested mountains, and carefully trying to keep going straight on the way down. It took four hours to go the fifty miles to the next town and a motel.
My mother took ill in the bad weather. It was not possible for her to continue past their Kansas home, another disappointment in a season of disappointments. After my father and I got Mom settled in her bed, Dad reminded me that the church I attended as I was growing up was presenting its outdoor “Living Nativity” and suggested that I take Jarad to see it. It was a good idea; maybe it would be one special thing in a fouled up Christmastime.
Walking into the church parking lot holding Jarad’s hand brought back wonderful memories of being part of that church and participating in the “Nativity”. This particular presentation was more than a tableau. Actors played out the Christmas story to a beautifully narrated and orchestrated twenty-five minute recording. When I was a youth, I participated heavily in all aspects of the production. As I held Jarad in my arms and watched, my heart was taken up by the familiar Christmas story in a new way. I identified for the first time with Joseph, the one male part I had never played. I was dealing with a lot of uncertainty that Christmas, and it occurred to me that the first Christmas was pretty uncertain for Joseph. Both Joseph and I found ourselves in towns that we no longer called home. Neither of us was happy about the way he was able to provide for his wife. Joseph’s wife gave birth in a stable. Mine was in the midst of moving at time of great suffering. Neither Joseph nor I knew what was going to happen next. Things worked out for Joseph because he trusted God, and God had a plan. I began to realize, that even though nearly everything in my life was uncertain I had to believe that God had a plan for me too, and I needed to trust Him. Whether Tina would live or die, I didn’t know. How I would provide for my family, I didn’t know. But I had given my life and my future to the Lord years before at this little church. Suddenly, I was reminded by the Christmas story, which was coming to life before me, that God would be faithful and that He would not forget my little family. In the midst of an uncertain Christmas, I found a more certain faith.
The next day Jarad and I (and the sleeping dog) jostled on down the road to a new life. Before long “Stand By Me” came on the radio, and Jarad and I again sang with the record. This time I sang it with a new assurance that, just as I would stand by my son in scary times, I, too, had a Heavenly Father standing by me on this uncertain Christmas.
Things didn’t straighten out right away, but the hope in my heart had been reborn. By the following Christmas, things were nearly back to normal. After ten surgeries Tina’s infection was finally cleared up and her health was slowly improving. Our house in California sold in February. After several months of unfruitful job searching, I was asked by my denomination to do something I had always dreamed of doing: begin a new congregation. Christmas that year found me back in the pulpit, my wife doing well, and my son making new friends in his kindergarten class. One thing was certain, God had been standing by us the whole time.
He has continued to do so. In the years since then, Tina finished college with a degree in education. She has recovered to the point that she is no longer considered disabled. After working several years on my staff as children’s minister, Tina now edits a children’s ministry magazine, writes an on-line children’s church curriculum, has authored ten books, and teaches and encourages children’s workers all over the country. Although she still battles rheumatoid arthritis, it hasn’t stopped her. The jostled little boy, Jarad, is an all grown-up and the father of twins. He serves as Lead Pastor at a church not far from Chicago. Tough times will come again, but they won’t be uncertain times because God has blessed us with a certain faith.
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